Do you know what it feels like?

(I’ve got “Do You Know (The Ping Pong Song)” by Enrique Iglesias in my head because MTV just showed Rob & Big at the car wash singing that song, and it cracked me up!)

I’m learning that it was a lot easier to write when I was a messed up emo freak.   There was always something to babble and pine about.  Now that I’m (relatively) more well-adjusted, it’s harder.  People connect with the angst.  Or with the funny.  Or with the interesting.  And these days, I’m suffering from a severe lack of all of the above.

I mean, there’s only so much blogging about karaoke and whatnot the people can tolerate.

Sometimes, I think about blogging about my job, or my “industry” – I read a lot of work-related blogs.  Most of them piss me off.  Many of the bloggers worship the almighty dollar.  Many of them spout off stupid corporate rhetoric and have no originality or individuality.  Many of them don’t give a shit about actual people.  Many of them talk about how people need to “add value” to a corporation, or talk about software/programs with “robust” functionality.

What am I going to say…”I just like to help people”…?  “I just try and be nice to people, give good customer service, and try to treat people like people”…?

*sigh*  My father always said I was too sensitive.  No wonder I’m not some big executive at this point.  Before he retired, my father was a big player at his company, was a workaholic, and did really well for himself.  But I’m a very different person – I’m not very headstrong (if that’s the right word), I’m nonconfrontational.  I want people to like me, and I don’t want people mad at me.

Plus, there’s also my strong desire to not be defined by my job or career.  And keep work life and “real” life separate.  Sometimes the two overlap, but I’d like to for the most part, keep them distinctly apart from each other. (Hence why I don’t mention my specific company here, why I have two separate facebook accounts, etc.)

So, I don’t honestly think that my future success as a writer/blogger is going to be in writing about recruitment or career advice.

I also don’t want to dwell TOO terribly much on my weight struggles.  Although, to be frank, that’s a huge part of who I am.  It has been ever since I became aware of health and weight and “ideal” body types – which was at about age 8 or 9.  So that will probably always be some aspect of what I speak about.

What I’m trying to do, these days, is step outside myself.  I’m trying to get more involved in doing good things for others.  I want to do more fundraising activities (Walks, Concerts, Games, etc.) and charity/volunteer work.  Hopefully, as time goes on, I’ll be able to write about different groups and events that I get involved in.

It’s going to be difficult for me to do this, at times.  I am, believe it or not, very socially phobic.  So it is my default mode to retreat, hide and be anti-social.  Hide inside myself.  Or stay firmly within my comfort zone.   For me to get involved (I mean really, really involved) is going to be much easier said than done.

Time will tell…

About meredithelaine

forty-something. jersey girl in texas via california.
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5 Responses to Do you know what it feels like?

  1. Erica says:

    I am so, so with you. I have nothing insightful or witty to add, but I wish I did.

  2. humanresourcespufnstuf says:

    I enjoy your blog because it is honest, and to me that is what makes it interesting. I’m sure Eric is familiar with this phrase as well: Comedy is truth and pain. I think it goes farther than that, all good writing, not just comedy, is based on honesty and how we deal with the things that concern us. You write very well, you are insightful, so I hope you continue to excercise your voice.

    • AWWW. I may start blubbering away right now! Thank you for all the sweet comments and encouragement. And, this probably goes without saying, but yours is one of the “industry blogs” that I love. I just wanted to make sure that was clear.

      • humanresourcespufnstuf says:

        Thanks for clearing that up, I assumed I would be grouped into “people that have access to a computer, but not their own brains” 😉

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