Warning:  I will speak of triggering things.  However, I won’t be linking to this anywhere.  If I don’t link, no one will read, right? 







I haven’t had the urge to purge this strong in fucking YEARS.  I am my own worst trigger.  Sure, I compare myself to others (unfavorably, of course), but it is my own photograph, my own reflection, that pulls me into a tailspin so quickly.  Never was I a skinny girl, or an outright beauty.  But once upon a time, I was way closer than I am now.  I know how I got there, and I have been wishing so hard that I could go back.  Trying to gather the strength to do so.  I’m fucked in the head and miserable.  The words that are playing on a continuous loop…well, let’s just say you never want to hear them about yourself.  But when it’s YOU, saying it to YOURSELF…

This is feeling low. 

I just needed to get this out.  I’ve been feeling so horrible lately, but it was especially strong today.

About meredithelaine

forty-something. jersey girl in texas via california.
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