Warning: I will speak of triggering things. However, I won’t be linking to this anywhere. If I don’t link, no one will read, right?
I haven’t had the urge to purge this strong in fucking YEARS. I am my own worst trigger. Sure, I compare myself to others (unfavorably, of course), but it is my own photograph, my own reflection, that pulls me into a tailspin so quickly. Never was I a skinny girl, or an outright beauty. But once upon a time, I was way closer than I am now. I know how I got there, and I have been wishing so hard that I could go back. Trying to gather the strength to do so. I’m fucked in the head and miserable. The words that are playing on a continuous loop…well, let’s just say you never want to hear them about yourself. But when it’s YOU, saying it to YOURSELF…
This is feeling low.
I just needed to get this out. I’ve been feeling so horrible lately, but it was especially strong today.