So Eric got Mii (LOL) a Wii. And I’m digging it so far. The first game I played was the bowling game, in which I bowled a 122. Which is pretty much on par with my scores in real-life bowling, so I’m thinking that this Wii is pretty darn true-to-life.
I set up my Mii, which, if you don’t know, is your little avatar-person for the Wii system. Mine is so cute. It looks sorta like me, but not completely. Of course, I’m kinda funny looking to begin with, so I didn’t expect an exact replica. Eric’s Mii, however, is AMAZING. It is totally what Eric would look like if he was a cartoon or in a comic or what-have-you.
The other night, I decided to give the Wii Fit a go. Part of the reason I was really into getting a Wii is because of this. I have such a hard time sticking to any sort of workout/fitness program, that I figured adding some variety and cute fun stuff would definitely help.
Of course, first you have to go through all this rigamarole of basic fitness tests. This is to determine your starting point. Checking things like balance and whatnot. Apparently I stand more on my right leg than my left. So I had to do all these balance exercises to practice straightening myself out. And my center of gravity (whatever THAT means) is so off. I had to lean forward what seemed to me like quite a bit to balance that out. Which baffled me. I mean, is my ass SO massive that I have to lean so far forward that I nearly topple over? Damn, I thought my awesome rack would have provided some equilibrium in that respect.
Then came the not-so-nice part.
When I first tried some of the activities on the basic Wii (not Wii Fit), it talked about something called my Wii Age. It told me that I was 46. Um, wow. I’m only 34, asshole. I’m not sure if Wii Years are some weird calculations like Dog Years, but SERIOUSLY. I was not pleased with that. Especially since most people I meet can’t believe that I’m 34. They usually think I’m mid-twenties.
On the Wii Fit continuum, however, I came out to 44. So, not quite as harsh, but still…TEN YEARS. I wasn’t sure if I should sign up for that show 10 Years Younger on TLC or what. Hook a sista up with the Glam Squad, seriously. I would pretty much be down for any show that’s going to make me over for free, you know?
Anyway, this all gets WORSE. Wii tells me it’s going to weigh me and check my Body Mass Index. OY VEY. So I stand on the balance board, and wait…
And the damn thing proceeds to tell me that I’m OBESE. I swear my little Mii got all sad-faced and slumped over in defeat.
Granted, it’s not like the damn thing is telling me something that I don’t already know. I’m overweight. I KNOW, TRUST ME. It’s not like I don’t obsess on this every day of my life and haven’t obsessed on it since I was 8 years old, OKAY?
But seriously, this is like the Wii and I are on our first date, and he’s already called me OLD and FAT. To my face. Totally not the way to win friends and influence people, you know what I’m sayin’?
Regardless, I carried on with my little into to Wii Fit and did some of the workouts. And for all the “Nice Spare!” comments I got while playing Bowling, I got just as many “You didn’t even break a sweat, did ya?” comments during Boxing. I’m resilient, though, and managed to rack up 41 minutes of quality workout time, without wanting to punch anyone in the face or throw the Wii against the wall.
My favorite part is that Eric’s Mii shows up in some of the games. He threw hula hoops at me! He did a weird hybrid of step-aerobics and Dance Dance Revolution on a stage with me! He did some cool choreographed kung-fu moves with me! Even though he wasn’t home, I still got to see his little smiling face while I was working out. Even if it was in Wii format.
So, despite the Wii’s attitude problem, I really enjoy it a lot. This will be a nice addition to my workout routine. Which granted, isn’t the most elaborate, fancy routine. But if I can stick with it, then all the better, right?
OK, so apparently TONIGHT my Wii Fit age is 53. This is because I have no balance/coordination, apparently. I always did say that I was less clumsy with a few drinks in me. Apparently the Wii has proven me right. Although I think drunken-Wii workouts are probably not a good idea.
Tonight my weight and BMI are down. There are people who will say that those numbers are a whole bunch of hogwash, but I do not care, because lower numbers make me happy. However, tonight the Boxing trainer told me I did a “Nice job!” and I unlocked a few Advanced levels of some of the games.
Also, I am apparently quite good at leading parades. But not so good at snowball fights. Do with that information what you will, folks.