Blink and you might miss it.

NOTE:  I actually wrote this last night, Monday 4/12.  I’m posting it tonight just to illustrate that this is me on Tylenol PM.  I went to Urgent Care today and now have Vicodin, Valium and Robaxin for the fucked-upped-ness that is my neck right now.  I predict fun, loopy tweets and posts in the near future.

I am waiting for Tylenol PM to kick in.  I figure I should probably preface this post with that.  Yes?

I suppose it’s time for a blog post.  Nothing much on the mind or to report.  Or is that a lie?  I worked out for about 80 minutes tonight to burn off the tater tots I had for dinner part 2.  It would have been a side dish if I’d had them along with my actual dinner.  I should have just kept my big mouth shut and not had part 2.  Hello. I have a wedding in LESS THAN A YEAR and a dress to fit into and a life to attempt to be beautiful for.

My neck and shoulders have been stiff and in pain for 3 days.  Heat, cold, shiatsu massage pillow, advil, tylenol…nothing has worked.  I started feeling slightly better after working out and taking a hot shower.  But as soon as I got out of the shower, the stiffness and pain returned.  I searched the internet today, and I’m hoping that I just slept funny or scrunched myself up due to stress, and that it’s not something serious.

I have been stressed lately.  I almost sang backing vocals with a friend for her friend’s gig.  But it was not meant to be.  And I’m actually more than okay with that.  I couldn’t catch on quick enough (truth be told, I only had mere days to learn about 10 songs)…and in the end I just decided that I didn’t want to jeopardize the quality of the show if my vocals were not going to be 100% on point.  I heard through the grapevine that the gig went well – and for that I am pleased!

I also was stressed due to my first stint as a karaoke hostess.  I covered for my friend Sonya who wanted the night off.  I was petrified.  It’s a lot of equipment to put together and a lot of feedback (through the speakers) to prevent, and order of songs to arrange, volume levels to control.  I was a big epic fail on all counts for about the first hour and a half.  Eventually it all worked out.  But it was hard for me to have fun because I was so terrified of fucking up.  I barely moved from the KJ area all night.  I ended up dehydrated and achy the next morning.  But I got paid, so HEY.  Ain’t nothing wrong.  Eric asked me if the groceries were on me this week.  I said, “Yes, Dear.”

So now I am back to the regular workweek, and it’s payroll and timecards are flowing in.  Busy, busy.  Lots of math and people to call and remind – Yo, do you actually want to get PAID, or what?  Some people have just got it like that.  That they don’t need to turn in their timecard and get paid on time.  Because they’ve just got all this expendable cash, I guess.

I’m trying to think of which day of the week I should cut out, in terms of going out.  Love being social – hate it hindering my weight loss.  Let’s face it – 3 nights per week (ish) of boozing and cavorting ain’t helping my cause any.

Meanwhile, the Cadbury Creme Eggs in the fridge are TAUNTING me.

Has anyone out there who may read or come across this heard of Nicki Minaj?  She rolls with Lil’ Wayne and the rest of the Young Money crew.  She has a lot of cameos on a bunch of tracks right now.  I find her fascinating.  Can’t tell if I really dig her or not.  She’s kinda weird.  And I like that.

Maybe because I’M weird.

I got a Brimful of Asha on the 45.  I’m flipping through my 15+ days worth of songs on iTunes.  My old laptop had about 30 days worth.  I cut back.  Because, REALLY, did I honestly need to have the 5th season of American Idol’s 7th place finalist’s CD?  Not so much.

Whoa, I just zoned out for a bit, listening to a great track by Hammock (“Disappear Like The Morning…”) and watching “The Best Thing I Ever Ate” on the Food Network on mute.  Last 2 places they featured were in New Jersey.  The motherland…AW. I swell with pride.  Good grub and GTL (Gym, Tan, Laundry) – that’s my Jersey.  LOL.

Hee.  The Ping Pong Song by Enrique Iglesias! AWESOME.  Everyone dance now.

My mind is just fragmented in several thousand directions at the moment.  Or always.  I’m so tired, you guys.  And I’m hurting.  Tylenol PM is not kicking in fast enough – at least in terms of, oh, I don’t know…taking away the pain?  In terms of making me loopy…I think we can safely assume that it’s a complete success.

I’m happy with everything – except me.  So much I can and should change.  My aesthetic is not pleasing.  And I feeling as if that’s all that matters these days.  I should take comfort in the fact that I’m good.  Good to others.  Kind.  Friendly.  Funny.  Helpful.  The girl with good intentions.  But I look at my face and my hair and my body and it’s as if none of that even matters.   All the good is washed away by ugly, ugly, ugly.  And I’ve had people talk to me about this.  Try and smack (not literally, of course) some sense into me.  But I can’t deny what I see in the mirror each day.

I love chickpeas.  It’s kinda weird how much I enjoy them.

About meredithelaine

forty-something. jersey girl in texas via california.
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1 Response to Blink and you might miss it.

  1. Pingback: Ladies who lunch… « I’d rather be elsewhere, most likely

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