i want the gap that i used to have

i wish so hard to feel the keyboard under my skin

viewing strangers’ pictures causes me to dream

of when i was so close

pining for the feeling of floating

—

too much idle time

to fill (in the wrong ways)

—

reverse me, rewind me

compress me, bind me

aching for perfection

half-assing it all the way

recreate me into someone beautiful

my eyes don’t deceive me

mirrors, numbers, charts and graphs

i’m adding it up

it doesn’t compute

adding, not subtracting

acting

anger and non-acceptance

complacent in laziness

but still dreaming

—

i crave…

—

aging ungracefully

shouting to be the loudest

the best in my strengths

to distract from my weaknesses

—

at arms length

swaying fleshy

i wish i was you

—

why are you caring

for an undeserving

—

once upon a time

i thrived on less

why can’t i go back?