i want the gap that i used to have
i wish so hard to feel the keyboard under my skin
viewing strangers’ pictures causes me to dream
of when i was so close
pining for the feeling of floating
—
too much idle time
to fill (in the wrong ways)
—
reverse me, rewind me
compress me, bind me
aching for perfection
half-assing it all the way
recreate me into someone beautiful
my eyes don’t deceive me
mirrors, numbers, charts and graphs
i’m adding it up
it doesn’t compute
adding, not subtracting
acting
anger and non-acceptance
complacent in laziness
but still dreaming
—
i crave…
—
aging ungracefully
shouting to be the loudest
the best in my strengths
to distract from my weaknesses
—
at arms length
swaying fleshy
i wish i was you
—
why are you caring
for an undeserving
—
once upon a time
i thrived on less
why can’t i go back?