I am 35.

My birthday was the other day, and it’s like all the goodness that surrounded my (long) birthday weekend was erased by the sucktasticness that was caused by returning to work today.  10 hours, no break.  Go go go. Run run run.  Coughing because I’m apparently sick (again).  Catching up on 200+ emails and a new project to take on.  Just trying to keep my head above water is killing me.

And then a rock fell out of the sky while I was on the 805 freeway (no gravel trucks around as far as I could see), and put a nick in my windshield.

I bawled the rest of the way home.  Then ate 4 spoonfuls of frosting.  And next I’m having tater tots.


Make it go away.  I can’t even work out tonight to counteract all the bad I’m doing right now.  Because it’s really gross for someone to cough all over the work out equipment.   I don’t care how well you wipe that elliptical down.  It’s still icky.  So I’ve missed 2 days of working out this week.  And been eating…way too much.  I managed to keep myself somewhat in check for most of my birthday weekend, and counteract what damage I DID do.  But the past 2 days, I’ve been sick and miserable.  Today I’ve been sick and miserable and pulled in 14 different directions.

This makes me quiet when you try to talk to me.  And start snapping and cursing under my breath.  Because I’m the nice girl who loves everyone and will do anything for you at any time.  I never get overwhelmed, and I’m never too busy to help.

As far as you know.

I am tired.  I would like to take the hour to work out and the hour to eat lunch like some people.  But no.  I eat at my desk and run errands at lunch MAYBE once a week.  Because if I don’t do everything asked of me, I could lose my job.  It’s never been stated, and honestly, everyone says I’m doing a kick ass job.  But my mind set has ALWAYS been, if you tell someone NO, they can fire you.  Stay on your toes.  They will be disappointed and hold it against you forever.

So, that’s why taking a whole WHOPPING 2 DAYS off of work has me so stressed out.

It makes me regret taking those days off.  As wonderful as they were.

I wish I could just be a receptionist and answer phones all day.  A little data entry, a little light filing.  But I can barely live on my salary NOW.  I wouldn’t be able to make any ends meet if it was cut in half.

This stress is going to kill me.

Apparently, one of the offices in the building where I work is a mental health office.  Counselors and psychologists and stuff.  Super-convenient. Maybe I could get an appointment during my “supposed” lunch break, since taking time off of work to go talk about my problems for once a week would probably be a bad idea.  But…then the coworkers would know that I’m Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.  That could be potentially damaging, right?

What do you think I should do?

About meredithelaine

forty-something. jersey girl in texas via california.
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1 Response to I am 35.

  1. Know that someone loves you.

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