From frustration, first inclination…

Despite all the comments and compliments I’ve been getting as of late about my whole working-out-getting-fit THING…

It is REALLY FUCKING FRUSTRATING to not see numbers go down on the scale.

You can give me the whole “muscle weighs more than fat” line as much as you want. But the fact of the matter is that I’m doing WAY more cardio than I am weight training. I’m working out 5-6 days per week, for at least 45 minutes each day, I’m clocking in (most days) at 1500 calories or LESS, so WHAT THE FUCK??!!!

Sure, I have my small victories, like clothes fitting looser (not dropping sizes yet, GRRRR). And am I impressed with myself when I make it through YET ANOTHER kickboxing class? Of course.

But dammit. I want the numbers to go DOWN. Fucking sue me for wanting to look like what society considers “hot” or “beautiful”. I’m not hurting anyone for wanting to do so, PLUS I’m actually doing myself a favor, by exercising more and (for the most part) eating healthier.

But dammit, I just want to be skinny(ier). Why shouldn’t I get what I want? Especially if I’m putting in effort and hard work?

Some may think I’m obsessing on this right about now. I say: it’s better than being obsessed with crack or meth.

About meredithelaine

forty-something. jersey girl in texas via california.
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