Only in dreams.

It seem that the dreams that I have when I’m not on Ambien are a bit more freakish than when I’m on it.  Dreams involving a friend/boyfriend/guy I made out with on a semi-regular basis – but yet, haven’t seen since 1995.  Another dream involved a more recent misguided suitor.  And these aren’t sex dreams at all. They’re just…THERE, and I’m not sure WHY.

And the tail end of one of my dreams, right before I awoke, I heard a quiet voice: “Hi Mommy.”

Yeah, THAT jolted me awake.

So tonight’s an Ambien night.  I should probably sit in bed.  Or lay (lie?) down.  I keep glancing around my apartment, half-way fascinated by the plainness of it all.  Change for laundry in the bowl on the shelf.  “The Biggest Loser” on mute, while some song I heard while I was getting my hair cut on Saturday plays on my laptop.

I turn my head, and my vision follows a split second later.  Somehow, this is comforting to me.   The swishing of my hair.  Everything sloshing, and slightly off.  Yet slightly right.  Freedom.  Free from stress.  Free from my constantly churning brain.

It’s blurring.  Sleepytime is soon.

I suppose I should ice-skate across my hardwood floors and float off to bed, hmmm?


About meredithelaine

forty-something. jersey girl in texas via california.
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