…because I am a huge doormat.

There have only been 2 instances in the past year…and honestly, probably in the past MULTIPLE years, that I have actually stood up for myself.

And both times have led me to be filled with such unbelievable guilt and regret.  Emotional, terrible breakdowns following.  Crying for hours, inconsolable, despite Eric‘s efforts to tell me that I’m not a bad person, that I have a right to say and feel how I do, and that he’s got my back.

The specifics of these instances don’t matter – I’d rather keep that to myself.  Despite the fact that I feel like I am in the right, I feel like the world worst person.  It’s kinda fucked up that I’d rather acquiesce than feel this way.

In other news, I am PMSing really bad and just want to cry and eat and cry and eat and sleeping would be nice too, except that has also been elusive lately.  I am feeling anti-social and miserable.

On a happier note, everyone should look at the Twitter Trending Topic #deliciousrappers.  GOOD STUFF.