Soul crushing, soul sucking

Ugh. I hate being constantly connected to work. I hate dealing with clients on a level higher than, “let me transfer you, please hold.” I don’t have the answers they want, I don’t have the power to make decisions (nor do I want it), and the main person who does (at least in this particular instance) is out of the office this week.

I do NOT have career aspirations – never have. Sue me. I do what I do because I have to, not because I want to.  I’m too in debt to do anything else.  And yet I’m still barely making ends meet.  Sure as hell ain’t saving any money.

These 8.5, 9, 10 hour days (not including checking in evenings/weekends from home) are slowly killing me.  My blood pressure was perfectly normal until last year, when I got the new responsibilities, and started doing the work of 1.5-1.75 people.  Then my BP skyrocketed to 190/110, despite my attempts to improve my diet and going to the gym.  Now I’m on medication for my BP.  I’ve had prescriptions for Xanax for anxiety for a while, but I’m taking more of it than ever.

You do the math.

I’m not about to bail on my job – that’d be dumb.  In this day and age, you’re lucky to have a job.  You don’t just quit all willy-nilly because you don’t like it.  You don’t just try and follow some stupid dream.  Those days (and let’s be honest, they only existed for a lucky few — are over.   You do what you gotta do to keep a roof over your head, food on the table, and maybe every once in a while, a night on the town to drink yourself into oblivion to forget for a moment how much the job market, economy, and corporate life SUCKS.

And then the next morning, you wake up, nurse your hangover, and settle in for another day chained to your desk.

On that note, it’s time for my Ambien.



(Yeah, I’m on that too…only started in the past few months…)


You want a happy fun blog?  Go visit Eric.


About meredithelaine

forty-something. jersey girl in texas via california.
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3 Responses to Soul crushing, soul sucking

  1. Don’t let The Man get you down. Love you, baby!

  2. Pingback: Everything I promised everyone I’d be…well, I just ain’t. « I’d rather be elsewhere, most likely

  3. Pingback: Why can’t you just be happy? « I’d rather be elsewhere, most likely

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