As we get closer to the big day (seriously…like 3 days), the stress has piled on me infinitely. Wedding planning stress, work stress, friend stress. As a result, I was “that girl” who locked herself in her office yesterday and cried for a half hour.
Trying to keep the peace, keep my wedding in one piece, and keep my sanity is proving to be very difficult. Yesterday was just a big hot buffet of BAD. The cracks in my pseudo-happy facade are getting bigger and bigger. I am losing focus on the most important thing right now, which is the fact that this week, I am marrying the love of my life. I should be ECSTATIC right now. Maybe a little frazzled, but mostly ecstatic.
Instead, I am a crying, shaking mess who is starting to dread what should be the happiest day of her life.
I had a dream last night:
I jumped off a building (or a cliff, I’m not certain) – very much like skydiving, I suppose. I had a ton of bags (backpacks, suitcases) strapped to my back. No parachute, as I recall.
I tried to take the bags off of myself as I’m falling through the air. Careening, hurtling, tons of weight on my back, just about to crash into the earth.
Right at the last second, I was able to get the baggage off and I landed on the ground gracefully like a cat.
Very telling, if you ask me.