I called my father today, since it’s his birthday.  We chit-chatted as per usual.  He said, “well, you sound good, kiddo.”  (as per usual)

5 hours later I shut my office doors and starting hysterically crying.

Just because you sound good, doesn’t mean you ARE good.  But who am I supposed to dump THAT on, huh?

It’s all too much – I’m currently trying to fill 5 jobs, help out with payroll, run new-hire-orientation meetings (often with 1/2 hour notice that someone’s coming in), check references, run background checks, do sales research…amongst all the support I do for the 8 people in my office, and the 3 in our other branch office.

I am only one person.

The more I have to give at work, the less I have for the people I actually care about.  I’m drained.  I went for a walk after work, pushed it until my joints ached.  I still want to either cry or punch someone.

My coping skills are failing.  I don’t want to go out, I don’t want to stay in.  I am terrible company to others, and terrible company to myself.  All signs are pointing to: Get Your Ass To A Shrink And Get Your Ass On Some Meds.

The thought of going through the trial and error of finding a new shrink…is overwhelming.  That’s time that I have to take off of work, and money I have to spend.  It may more trouble than it’s worth.  After all, it’ll get better eventually, right?

Until then, my Maybe Attendings turn to Not Attendings, and I feel guilty and miserable and wretched.

I’m not sure what to do.

In somewhat happy-ish news, the maintenance guy came and fixed our kitchen sink (again), so our water pressure is back to normal.  Which means that I can properly wash and rinse my dishes and my lunches won’t have that soapy aftertaste anymore. YAY!