Lost without you

It does not help that I’ve been sick on and off over the past few days.  It does not help that I’m having a stressful week at work.  It does not help that I’m PMSing.  It does not help that my back has somehow gotten jacked up, and that my ankle is throbbing (cold and/or humidity?).  It does not help that I’ve been anxious, irritable and panicky.

I am wreck.  A semi-well-functioning wreck.  I’ve had moments and chunks of time when I’ve been okay.  But mostly, I’m miserable.  I miss my husband so, so much.  The tour is going well, and he’s having a blast.  I would never begrudge him that.  But I’ve been having a rough time of it.  For one reason or another, I’m just having a crappy couple of days.

I am, overall, not good company.  I don’t want to be cheered up.  But yet I want to be consoled and comforted.  I want to be alone, yet I want to be surrounded.  I’m probably best off not being around people right now.  I’ve spent the past 2 days at work wanting to punch everyone.

Thank GOD I have an appointment with my therapist on Thursday evening.  I’ve been doing, overall, fairly well over the past month or so.  And I just need to find out if I’m crashing and burning, or if this is all just because I’m hormonal and missing my husband.  I don’t usually get too PMS-y…maybe once every few months.  Well, clearly, this is one of those months.  Timing is not on my side.

Last night, I did not sleep well.  There was much tossing and turning.  And the dreams.  Lordy.  In one dream, I was trying to pluck my eyebrows, and I couldn’t align the mirror and the lighting just right, so I was having a hard time.  In another dream, I was sharing recipe and diet tips with Teresa Giuidice from the Real Housewives of NJ.  In another dream, I was at a small highway rest area – that does NOT exist, but has been in dreams of mine before.  It’s very small, with a tiny mini-mart and a few gas pumps that are more the size of the auto vacuum cleaners at a car wash.  Eminem was in my car, and he kissed me.  I don’t even know.  Don’t get me wrong, I like Eminem and all, but he’s not really my type.

Finally, at about 5am, I gave up the fight and woke up.  I watched a little TV, caught up on whatever happened on Twitter and Facebook overnight, and eventually got ready for work.  I had a few errands to run before heading to the office anyway – going to pick up a prescription at Walgreens and putting some gas in my car.  So I figured I’d get a little head start.  Good thing I did – the fog this morning was unbelievable!  So my 12 mile commute was a slow-go, that’s for sure.

Good grief.  I need to snap out of this.  Not tonight, though.  Tonight is me just sitting here like a bump on a log.  Tomorrow is a new day, though.  Maybe I’ll be in better spirits tomorrow.


About meredithelaine

forty-something. jersey girl in texas via california.
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