Takes my pain away

I drifted in and out of sleep a lot yesterday evening.  Or I just sat on the couch, staring blankly into space…until it was all of a sudden 11pm.

I wake up more exhausted than I was when I went to bed.  Tasks like stuffing envelopes at work make me achy and fatigued.  Going on a 2 mile walk through the neighborhood causes lightning blots to shoot through my back.  I’m short-tempered, and my short term memory is shot to hell.

These days, I am merely trying to exist. To function.  Get up, go to work, half-ass my way through some chores, go to bed.  Some days are okay.  Some days I have the ability and desire to do more.  Maybe I’ll go out and be social.

The demons inside never completely disappear.  Sometimes they whisper; sometimes they rage.  Right now, they are sucking up all my resources.  My tank is almost on E – and there’s no gas station for miles.

There’s no rhyme or reason and no pattern to it all.

Will you think of me fondly?  Will you think of me at all?  Everyone disappears eventually. Is it best to just expedite the process?

How much trial and error can someone take?

I’m failing miserably right now.  Sooner or later, I end up pulling myself out of the hole.  This time, it’s taking longer.  And how long until I slip and fall back down the hole again?


About meredithelaine

forty-something. jersey girl in texas via california.
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