I just keep binging. I’ve gained 5 pounds this week. I’m sad. I hate being around people – or dread it – or just feel so damn uncomfortable. But on the other hand, I hate being lonely. All these conflicting feelings just cause me to eat and eat and eat. Gross. Not eating because I’m hungry, I’m eating because I somehow am seeking comfort from it. Or something. I have no idea. I have got to pull myself together. This is absolutely disgusting. I’m very tempted to purge, but I think that it would be very painful due to the combination of what I’ve eaten.
I feel so ill-at-ease. And ill in the stomach, to be honest. It’s so embarrassing. I wish I was better at restricting. These days, I’m falling…nay, CAREENING, off of the Weight Watchers wagon. I really need to get control back, regain focus, and get my ass back to the gym and to walking around the neighborhood. These days, it’s been too hot/humid to do much of anything. Just sitting makes me sweat. EW.
So now I’m just this overstuffed, bloated blob of sadness, anxiety, and shame.
And so it goes.