I have spent much of the day listening to/watching Tori Amos videos on YouTube. It’s good background music for whatever else I’m doing. Which is mainly pinning stuff on Pinterest, and Facebook scrolling. I’m spending more and more time alone. Not sure why that is. I guess I’m going through an anxious stage, where I’m just afraid to be around people.
A few weeks ago, I went to a bar for some beers, it was Sunday Funday after all. A guy sat down next to me and we started to chat. He was nice, for the most part, but later got a bit more aggressive in his flirting. Some of the things he said and did made me quite uncomfortable, but I just ignored it. I was nice, but made it clear that I was not interested, that I was married, etc. He eventually left.
I don’t know how to react in situations like that. I’ve lived out here in Texas just shy of 3 years now, and it’s been very hard to make friends. I am very socially anxious, in that I don’t think people actually WANT to get to know me and be my friend. So when I get a shred of attention, I don’t want to turn that down. Even if it’s from a seemingly shady dude. That’s pretty pathetic, actually.
It makes me miss my San Diego friends something fierce. I miss feeling safe in their collective arms. They’re a special group from a special time in my life. And as time passes, it’s fading away, no matter how much I don’t want it to.
I could say the same thing about my college friends as well.
It seemed so easy back then. I have no idea why now I just can’t seem to get it together. I need to make more of an effort to go out and be social. It’s not healthy to be a hermit. I work from home for a company based in California, so it’s not like I can make work friends. I get out for the occasional outing to the grocery store or pharmacy. That’s about it.